Gerald Franklin Culbertson Sr's Flamebate Posts

DEAR SIRS

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

I HAVE, APPARENTLY AFTER CONFUSING MY PALLADONE WITH MY DAILY VITAMIN SUPPLEMENTS, AWOKEN RECENTLY IN THE ALLEYWAY OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE WITH NO RECOLLECTION OF THE LAST TEN DAYS. I BRING THIS TO YOUR ATTENTION BECAUSE MY WALLET WAS MISSING. WHILE MANY OF THE ITEMS WITHIN ARE OF NO GREAT VALUE TO ME – MY DRIVER’S LICENSE HAD EXPIRED FIVE YEARS AGO, AND THE PICTURES OF MY GRANDSON AS A BABY ARE USELESS AS HE HAS GROWN UP INTO A REBELLIOUS SNOT – I AM DEEPLY DISTRESSED BY THE FACT THAT I HAVE LOST MY LEGION MEMBERSHIP CARD, AND CAN NO LONGER RETURN TO THE WATERING HOLE FOR DRINKS WITH MY FELLOW VETERANS.

I REALIZE THAT THE CURRENT POLICY REGARDING ENTRY INTO THE LEGION IS LAX AND THAT ONE NO LONGER NEEDS TO SHOW ONE’S CARD SO LONG AS ONE IS VOUCHER FOR BY ONE OF THE STALWARTS SUCH AS COL. ANTHROPIST OR CAPTAIN AGJESUS, BUT I AM AFRAID THAT THE CARD WAS THE ONLY THING I OWNED WITH THE ADDRESS OF THE WATERING HOLE UPON IT, AND I CAN NO LONGER DIRECT MY DAUGHTER ON WHERE TO DRIVE ME IN ORDER TO REACH IT.

I HOPE THIS LETTER IS BROUGHT TO THE CORRECT ATTENTION OF THE CORRECT AUTHORITIES.

YOURS IN GOD,

GERALD F. CULBERTSON SR. (SGT., RET)

what are your favorite bands?

DEAR SIRS:

WHILE I APPRECIATE YOUR ATTEMPTS TO FOOL A GULLIBLE VIEWING AUDIENCE, OR PERHAPS TO CONVINCE YOURSELVES THAT YOUR LIVES ARE MEANINGFUL, THERE CAN BE NO DOUBT THAT THERE HAS NOT BEEN ANY GOOD MUSIC PUBLISHED OR PLACED UPON THE RADIO SINCE HANK WILLIAMS DIED.

YOURS IN FAITH,

GERALD F. CULBERTSON, SR.

CONTEST: Sponsored by your friendly neighborhood Shortbus

The Cheat Posted:

It is pretty re-re-ish huh? Though I am increasingly saddened by TSB’s inability to find anything without expletives, racial slurs, or bigotry funny. You all do seem to belong together. You all have the same limited sense of comedic value.

u durrrr

DEAR PEEP OR CHICKEN OR WHATEVER IT IS THAT MARKS YOU:

I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THIS SOCIETY IS FILLED WITH GOOD AND HONORABLE MEN WHO SERVED THEIR COUNTRY IN THE VARIOUS WARS AGAINST COMMUNISM THAT OUR GREAT LAND HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN FOR THE LAST SEVENTY YEARS. I DO NOT WISH TO BRAG ABOUT MY OWN SERVICE IN THE KOREAN WAR WHERE I PERSONALLY TOOK A BULLET FOR GENERAL DOUGLAS A. MACARTHUR BUT RATHER WOULD FOCUS UPON THE GREAT HUMAN BEINGS SUCH AS SGT. BRAD OLIVER PREY, WHO I BELIEVE LOST HIS LEGS TO A MINE WHILE TRYING TO SAVE VIETNAM FROM THE COMMIES, OR LT. ONCAKES, WHO PERSONALLY SAVED AT LEAST THREE DOCTORAL STUDENTS DURING OUR HARROWING INVASION OF GRENADA.

STATING THAT YOU FIND OUR SOCIETY FILLED WITH PEOPLE WHO LIKE CHICKENS AT A TIME WHEN YOU YOURSELF HOLD YOURSELF BEHIND A YELLOW – YELLOW I REMIND YOU – BIRD THING INDICATES WHO THE TRUE CHICKENS ARE HERE, AND WHO ARE THE TRUE COMMIE-FIGHTING PATRIOTS. AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM SENDING A COPY OF THIS LETTER TO THE ST. PETERSBURG TIMES SO THAT EVERYONE WILL KNOW OF YOUR HYPOCRISY AND COWARDICE AS SOON AS THEY GET AROUND TO PRINTING THE THREE OTHER LETTERS THAT I HAVE SENT THEM THIS WEEK.

IN SUMMARY: COMMUNISM IS THE GRAVEST THREAT THIS COUNTRY HAS EVER KNOW, AND THE SHORTBUS STANDS ARM IN ARM WITH JOE MCCARTHY IN FIGHTING OFF STALIN AND KRUSCHEV WHILE YOU BURN FLAGS AND BRAS. MAY GEORGE WASHINGTON – WHO IS CURRENTLY CRYING IN HEAVEN OVER YOUR ACTIONS – FIND IT WITHIN HIS HEART TO FORGIVE YOU.

SINCERELY,

GERALD F. CULBERTSON SR., (RET. SGT)

RE:

DEAR PEOPLE WRITING ON THIS PAGE:

GODDAMMIT, IF YOU PEOPLE ARE GOING TO POST ON AN AMERICAN FORUM, YOU NEED TO SPEAK ENGLISH!

IF YOU WANT TO SPEAK THAT FRENCH CRAP OR WHATEVER IT IS, GO BACK TO FRANCE!

YOURS REPSECTFULLY,

GERALD F. CULBERTSON, SR.