I’m using some ultra-cheap recipes (note: not crappy recipes, cheap recipes) to compensate for my current money situation. I guess I’ll start off with one, and see if anybody else has any others.

Slow Cooker

1 beef roast

1 can Coke

1 packet of onion soup

1 can of mushroom soup (if you wish)

Brown the beef roast on all sides on a frying pan (optional). Put beef roast in slow cooker. Pour can of Coke, packet of onion soup, and can of mushroom soup in the slow cooker. Cover and cook on low heat for eight to ten hours. Serve over mashed potatoes or rice.

Here’s a vaguely Indian-tasting dish that all of you kids at home can try. You’ll need:

Pot large enough to hold all your ingredients
Fork, to mix and stab things with

Chilli powder, to taste (I use approx. 2 - 3 tablespoons)
Turmeric, approx. 1 - 1.5 tablespoons
Olive oil
Salt, to taste (at least 1 tablespoon)
Diced garlic, approx. 3 cloves
Thinly sliced small red onions, approx. 3 - 6 bulbs
4 - 6 washed baby potatoes; you can leave the skin on
Chicken; thigh would be more tender, but breast works just as well.

First, wash and wipe your pot thoroughly. Nothing’s worse than having water in your pot when you begin to heat the oil: it’ll sputter worse than if you had insulted its mum. Once that’s done, oil the pot generously, making sure to coat the sides too lest they stick there. Put it on a stove and make sure the oil is hot before proceeding. Do not do this by sticking a finger into the oil. You can tell when that is so if you throw a small slice of onion into the pot and it sizzles.

Lower heat to medium and throw in potatoes, onions and garlic. Cover it and let the whole thing cook for a while, maybe two to three minutes. In the mean time wash and cut your chicken up into small bite-sized pieces. You may like to rub your chicken down with salt at this moment, but personally I don’t care. After prescribed 2 – 3 minutes, throw the chicken, chilli powder and turmeric into the pot together with a tablespoon of water. Stir well and cover again.

Now, wait till the potatoes are cooked to a semi-tender state, stirring occasionally, then take off the stove. I’m afraid I’m not too sure how long this step takes, I usually cook other **** while this goes on, turning to check on the pot every so often.

Serve over rice or pasta as desired; the latter makes for an interesting, if somewhat “unique”, dish. Viola! A lost-cost but (in my opinion) tasty meal with an exotic hint of the orient.

Dead Hooker Supreme

1 Dead Hooker

2 oz. of fine Colombian cocaine

1 egg, beaten

1 black man, beaten

12 cups of astroglide

Mix in a large bowl until the batter is smooth, then bake at 500 degrees for 45 minutes. Garnish with powdered sugar.

Sometimes when I’m lonely I sit on a bench in the middle of town

and look at my watch like I’m expecting someone to meet me

there at any moment.

fallingeastward Posted:

Sometimes I mix really hot water, honey, and lime juice in a cup and call it homemade tea. Then I get a monocle and gray mustache and read War and Peace.

This is awesome.