I would give you ten BP. I am not lying. They can ban me if I am lying.

Let me explain exactly how these eight brownie points will be spent:

Seven of these brownie points will go to buying me Episode II, in which I shall ascend to the highest level of power within a single week, due to my awesomeness and general unfabulous personry. Using this power, I shall absorb my character’s stats and BECOME the uber-Troll. My new powers will then go to taking over the ForumWarz forums, making me the ruler of the site. I shall proceed to eliminate all fabulous personry from the site and replace all avatars with various pictures of my male reproductive organ. The sheer sexiness of these pictures will attract the most beautiful woman in the world to my door, a woman by the name of Ivana Shlokovitz. Of course she’s Swiss. This woman and I shall have wild, pbumionate, crazy monkey-sex, and, when it’s convenient in both of our lives, she shall bear my children; twins, as it were, a boy and a girl. The strapping lad shall go by the name of Roland, while his beautiful sister will be named Camille. At the age of five, Roland will attempt to kill his sister, but she will overpower him and gain a taste for blood as she strangles him with her thighs. She will become the world’s greatest bumbumin by the time she is 12, and by eighteen, she will have surpbumed her mother’s beauty, though of course Ivana is still second in the world. At this time, the ancient seal inscribed in Camille’s corneas will glow red, and she shall read the words that are her true life’s mission: “Go find Capn Fever, and give him the greatest sex he has ever received in his life. Do it for as long as he wishes, and watch out f” There was going to be more, but I ran out of room on her corneas. No matter; that situation probably won’t come up anyway. Being the world’s greatest (and sexiest, don’t forget,) trained bumbumin, she will easily discover your location, even though I only gave her a username that was relevant twenty years ago. She will sneak into your house at night and ravage you, and be at your beck and call forevermore, to kill, ****, or both.

And the last BP I’m gonna go throw in a pool and then say, “Look, someone pooed in the pool!” and everyone’ll cry.

Listen Capn, I don`t know if you already read my past post, but it is all true.

You really really want to give me those BP because… the only thing that is keeping me from sending tubmails to you all day long, telling you how much I want to be like you, is that I’m playing ep1. But I’m about to finish it and then, who knows? I’ll have just too many free time. I’m sending annoying tubmails about every 5 minutes. I’ll find your actual email address and your friends addresses to tell them you are the greatest forum pwner in history. That nobody wins Vanilla and Antifreeze scoops like you do. You’re gonna be so voted on Forumbuildr that Mods are gonna think it was Klan job and, Oh no, might ban you.

I know you are very wise and can see that I am not. I just want you to make the right choice

I will give you the firstborn child of my firstborn child, who would be the firstborn of a firstborn of a firstborn. And trust me, that is good stuff right there.

I got to be honest, I don’t really know you since I am not an older player, but I feel like I have an offer you can’t refuse.

Are you ever lonely? I don’t mean like you feel truely alone or anything. But do you have a BEST FRIEND?

I could be your best friend, the best friend you ever had in this big, crazy world we live in. You have a story to tell? Well I am here to listen to your story, I can even throw in some “awww”s and “that’s so cool”s, I would also laugh at your AWESOME jokes, because the jokes that my best friend in the world tells are always funny.

“Good Morning Best Friend in the World!”

How ****ing awesome would it be to wake up and hear that every day? Well Let me tell you man, you would be the only one I know who got BREAKFAST IN BED every day! I would give you your favorite meal every morning, bring you your morning attire, and make you a lunch for later! **** YEAH!

You don’t want to spend your day lonely do you? No one does, so I would hang out with you all day! You got a job? Well now you have a PERSONAL SECRETARY! You want something, you just call me and I will Get it for you, I will be your servent. Foot Rub? NO PROBLEM! Coffee? BRB! **** it, I will do your work FOR YOU.

Ugh, long day at work. It would be a long and boring day at home too for a normal person. But you are not a normal person, you are a person with a BEST FRIEND! You want to play some GAMES? Because I just BOUGHT YOU A ****ING X-BOX. After a long afternoon of intense gaming, why not slip into a HOT BATH? Relax and enjoy yourself why I MAKE YOU DINNER.

Sleepy? No worries, I made your bed for you, want me to tuck you in? bed time story? Sleep buddy? What ever you want, your BEST FRIEND is there for you!

If you can imagine your perfect day like the one above, you might want to consider me for all of your Brownie Point donations. If you wanted to, I could BAKE YOU BROWNIES, REAL ****ING BROWNIES. You could enjoy thier home-made deliciousness while I spend my newly aquired points vandalizing your enemies avatars, hell yeah.

I hope you have a nice day, BEST FRIEND!

How would you like something.. a little special. I can make it happen. You will be doted on hand and foot for the rest of your life. Every morning, when you wake up, there will be a Log in to see images!

But, you’ll be Log in to see images!

All my life I felt I needed to find someone. It turns out it was you. When I first heard of you, my cancer was instantly cured. I hope to see you someday, who knows what that’ll do.

While an Asian transvestite whore gives your hair a mbumage, I will lick your chest gracefully and use a giant turtle as a dildo and shove it up your bum delightfully, covered in peanut bumer and gravy. You will then be granted one wish involving goatse and undead chickens wrapped in cyran wrap. After this, we will dine on the feast that is fecal matter.

You are a very nice person. I hope you prosper in life. Log in to see images!

you are handsome man and will achieve much in life…your personality not so much