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Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency open for business!
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*loud recording on an answering machine* *BEEP* Any of you meatbags having troubles with Vampires?
Would you like to know if your horoscope reading was accurate?
Maybe you’d like to know where Grandma kept her secret stash of expensive jewelry before she croaked? Sick and tired of being raped by that Succubus in your sleep? Want to know what the future holds for you and your gay lover? Maybe you just lost your stupid Fur suit and desperately need to find it before the next Furrie convention?
Well, the Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency is open for business and we’re licensed!
For a fee, I can tell you your future, contact your loved one’s who are beyond the grave, or get rid of that pesky poltergiest in your basement!
Just leave a message meatbags. Maybe I’ll even answer. —————————————————————————————————————- *recorded message of a lawyer speaking rapidly and informing you that* “The Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency is not held liable for any deaths and or injuries which may occur while follwing the advice of Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency. The Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency is not responsible for any damage to property or pets, which may occur while hunting down supernatural entities. Other terms and conditions may apply.”
—————————————————————————————————————- *Annoying female voice* “After the tone, leave your message, you may leave your callback number by pressing five now.” *BEEP* |
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| Posted On: 07/01/2008 2:24PM | View MONKATRICE's Profile | # | ||||||
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*New message* *BEEP*
Any of you fools think you know something about the supernatural, or just like to play around with the occult, and think you can STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, I may have openings for new members of the Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency. Previous experience hunting down supernatural entities and killing them, is a bonus |
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| Posted On: 07/01/2008 2:34PM | View MONKATRICE's Profile | # | ||||||
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This sure sound like a shitty Constantine remake. |
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| Posted On: 07/02/2008 1:11AM | View JD Salinger's Profile | # | ||||||
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I was playing around with the Ouija board in my old country mansion and now I keep finding butt plugs under my pillow at night. Can you help? |
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| Posted On: 07/02/2008 1:52AM | View 1337xxxlolololxxx1337's Profile | # | ||||||
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Silly people and their fetishes. Nana Nazi edited this message on 07/02/2008 2:09AM |
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| Posted On: 07/02/2008 2:07AM | View Nana Nazi's Profile | # | ||||||
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1337xxxlolololxxx1337 Posted:
Yes and no. I can tell you how those buttplugs keep winding up under your pillow but it has nothing to do with a supernatural connection between the butt plugs and the Oija board! My advice to you is to visit a sleep clinic and also to get laid. Then you will stop shoving butt plugs up your ass, then under your pillow while you sleep. |
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| Posted On: 07/02/2008 2:09AM | View MONKATRICE's Profile | # | ||||||
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Nana Nazi Posted:
You really should be more careful. |
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| Posted On: 07/02/2008 2:12AM | View was's Profile | # | ||||||
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was Posted: So should you meatbag! I just did a reading for you, and it seems that your future doesn’t look too promising. I’d avoid visiting that bath house in San Francisco on your next vacation if I were you! Hint:He has AIDS. |
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| Posted On: 07/02/2008 2:33PM | View MONKATRICE's Profile | # | ||||||
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AIDS make the dicks taste better. |
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| Posted On: 07/04/2008 12:57AM | View was's Profile | # | ||||||
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Seems I may have to add killer robots to my list Humans, wake up before it is too late! I see two possible futures for humanity and one looks bleak, very bleak indeed.
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| Posted On: 07/05/2008 2:33AM | View MONKATRICE's Profile | # | ||||||
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Monkatrice, can you, um, find something for me? I think you said once you could find lost things.
I lost something important. Oh, god, if anyone finds it I’ll die. Can you find it? |
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| Posted On: 07/13/2008 9:44PM | View Janie's Profile | # | ||||||
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Janie Posted:
Depends what it is and how much you are willing to pay me to find it human
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| Posted On: 07/13/2008 9:49PM | View MONKATRICE's Profile | # | ||||||
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Well, money’s not a problem. I can get whatever I need from my dad. What it is…it’s kinda private. |
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| Posted On: 07/13/2008 9:52PM | View Janie's Profile | # | ||||||
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It usually is or you wouldn’t come to me. Very well then meatbag I shall find this thing you seek, I will send you the bill after it is found, but I will need your cooperation for me to find that which you want found, but are too damn embarrased to just TELL me what the HELL it is, and SAVE ME A WHOLE LOT OF TROUBLE…. Sorry, AHEM I will need your cooperation to find it since you are unwilling to tell me. MONKATRICE edited this message on 07/13/2008 9:58PM |
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| Posted On: 07/13/2008 9:56PM | View MONKATRICE's Profile | # | ||||||
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Well, I have this journal. It’s got my most private thoughts in it. And drawings, and poems, and clippings of things. And some…stories I’ve written. It’s just…very private. I haven’t been able to find it since just after I came back from Biff’s house a few weeks ago. I think someone took it while I was gone. I know it wasn’t Biff, because he was with me, but I don’t know who else it might have been.
I’ve already questioned my little brother by holding a knife to his throat, so I know it’s not him. He’s terrified of me. I really want it back.
Can you find it? It’s black, with a pink border on the binding, and some skull stickers on the front.
But if you find it, I have to have your word YOU WON’T READ IT! |
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| Posted On: 07/13/2008 10:02PM | View Janie's Profile | # | ||||||
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Why in hell would I want to read the drivel of a little girl, talking about her secret crushes and that sort of thing? Of course I won’t read your stupid journal meatbag!
Besides, business has been shitty and you are the first person to come here in a while so I will be on my best behavior
By the way, do I really have a problem with “people skills”? I keep getting told that by my potential clients… |
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| Posted On: 07/13/2008 10:13PM | View MONKATRICE's Profile | # | ||||||
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I dunno. I mean, you seem ok, but I’m not a good judge of people skills. As long as you don’t look in my journal. How are you going to find it?
Also, have you made contact with your father at all? |
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| Posted On: 07/13/2008 10:15PM | View Janie's Profile | # | ||||||
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Janie Posted:
I HAVE NO FATHER!
Now, what Ineed you to do, aside from stop mentioning that flea ridden idiot again is to place your hands on this crytal ball.
Now, concentrate on the image of this journal and I will use my HELLBORN POWE…my abilities, to quide your efforts so that we may see the location of this stupid book of yours. |
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| Posted On: 07/13/2008 10:21PM | View MONKATRICE's Profile | # | ||||||
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OK, but you do have a father. And I’ll bet you have a lot more in common with him than you think. I’ll bet you even have fleas.
OK, hands on the ball. This is a nice one. I have one, but it’s kinda cheesy. How does a…creature like you even get his hands on something like this? I mean, do you walk in the store and ask for one? Do they look at you funny? |
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| Posted On: 07/13/2008 10:24PM | View Janie's Profile | # | ||||||
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Janie Posted:
ARE WE GOING TO PLAY TWENTY ONE QUESTIONS OR FIND YOUR DAMNABLE BOOK?!? Sorry…best behavior, right then. My blood flows with the very fires of Hades itself! Not something fleas are particularily fond of eating, so NO, I DON’T HAVE FLEAS! And…well I stole this ball from a shop, I walked in and tried to purchase the damned thing but everyone including the owner ran out. So I just took it.
I’ve been looking to hire a human assistant who can….NEVERMIND NOW, just concentrate on the damned ball will you? Has anyone ever told you that you are an extrememly annoying little girl? |
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| Posted On: 07/13/2008 10:32PM | View MONKATRICE's Profile | # | ||||||
Because you really are that awesome |