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Episode 3 Walkthrough

IMPORTANT NOTE

The order of which you do the missions is for the biggest part irrelevant. Because different events can be followed in different orders, this walkthrough is not always accurate as far as event timing goes.
If you feel you're stuck, search the Knowledge Base using the help link in the upper right. Try "stuck".
This walkthrough makes sure that you don't miss out on any Episode based E-Peen, ability, bookmark or NPC.

Episode 3 Starting Cinematic

  • Game Event: Episode 3 Starting Cinematic.
  • Game Event: New Ability Learned:
    • Good Alignment: Good Samaritan.
    • Neutral Alignment: Stuffed Shirt.
    • Evil Alignment: Hellraiser.
  • Game Event: Received the Mission:
    • Good Alignment: Heaven's Prisoners.
    • Neutral Alignment: Not Limbo-Stickin' Around.
    • Evil Alignment: The Long Hard Road out of Hell.

The **** Hit The Fan

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: The **** Hit the Fan.
  • Player Action: Play The **** Hit the Fan.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: The **** Hit the Fan.
  • Game Event: Received the Mission: What the **** Was That?
  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Kill the Noise.
  • Game Event: Mission Updated: What the **** Was That?
  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Finding Nordstrom.
  • Player Action: Install GIMPY.
  • Game Event: Mission Updated: Pocahontaaaaas!

Pocahontaaaaas!

  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Pocahontaaaaas!

Outsourced

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Outsourced.

Smoke 'em Out

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Lung Cancer's a ****!
  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Smoke 'em Out.
  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Track the Hacker.
  • Game Event: added to bookmarks.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Smoke 'em Out.

Red Man's Justice

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Red Man's Justice.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Red Man's Justice.

Rude Slang Fans Ain't Nothin' to Fuss With

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Rude Slang Fans Ain't Nothin' to Fuss With.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Rude Slang Fans Ain't Nothin' to Fuss With.

Moar Vendor

  • Stalk with clbum based NPC.
  • PWN guild
  • NPC sent you tubmail.
  • Read tubmail.
  • PWN guild for a while until you got the complete .moar file.
  • choose an item. Be careful, it is an one time choice.

Bridal ****storm

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Bridal ****storm.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Bridal ****storm.

Tear Down This Forum!

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Tear Down This Forum!
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Tear Down This Forum!

Say Yes to Vaccinations

  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Lung Cancer's a ****!
  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Say Yes to Vaccinations.
  • Game Event: Get teleported to LOLkemia.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Say Yes to Vaccinations.

Pwn 'Em if They Can't Take a Joke

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Pwn 'Em if They Can't Take a Joke
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Pwn 'Em if They Can't Take a Joke.
  • Game Event: Shecky Salisbury sent you 1,750 flezz.
  • Game Event: New Ability Learned: Bad Joke-a-Palooza.

Masta-Baiting

NOTE: This mission will take several days to complete. It is advised you take this mission as soon as possible in the game. Preferably after you've pwned Huddled bumes.

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Masta-Baiting.


At this point you'll have to wait 24 hours before you can contact HugMastaDoug again.

  • Game Event: Mission Updated: Masta-Baiting.


You'll have to wait another 24 hours before you can contact HugMastaDoug again.

  • Game Event: Mission Updated: Masta-Baiting.


From now on, HugMastaDoug will keep sending you bad gifts every rollover. You can choose to pwn him as soon as you get the tubmail from Shallow Esophagus and contacted him on sTalk.
However, it is advised to wait until HugMastaDoug doesn't sent you any gifts anymore, because that way you can net yourself an E-Peen™.
Shallow Esophagus will contact you on the first rollover after HugMastaDoug sent you the Flaming Bag Of Crap attachment.

First Rollover:

  • Game Event: Mission Updated: Masta-Baiting.


You can pwn HugMastaDoug already if you want, this walkthrough is going to bumume you don't, and that you will wait a couple more rollovers to get all the gifts from HugMastaDoug.


Second Rollover:


Third Rollover:


Fourth Rollover:


Fifth Rollover:

  • Player Action: Take out attachment from HugMastaDoug's tubmail. This should be his Final Gift. In fact, the subject will be "Final Gift"
  • Boss Thread: Face HugMastaDoug himself. The gifts you took from HugMastaDoug have bad effects on you.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Masta-Baiting.

Skin and Pwns

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Skin and Pwns.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Skin and Pwns.

Fail Britannia

  • Game Event: Received Mission: Fail Britannia.
  • Game Event: Completed Mission: Fail Brittania.

Optional: Futarani-Moe Mission

  • Player Action: Take out attachment from Jetsetlover's tubmail. Do not sell the Used Blow-Up Doll

Clbumy Warfare

  • Game Event: Received Mission: Clbumy Warfare.

NOTE: This bookmark is located under the Mission-Related tab.

  • Game Event: Mission Updated: Clbumy Warfare.
  • Game Event: Completed Mission: Clbumy Warfare.

Not HIV But Full-Blown AIDS

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Not HIV But Full-Blown AIDS.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Not HIV But Full-Blown AIDS.

Take a Bite Out of Crime

  • Game Event: Received Mission: Take a Bite Out of Crime.
  • Game Event: Completed Mission: Take a Bite Out of Crime.
  • Game Event: Pavlov sent you 350,000 Flezz.

Heavy Meta

  • Game Event: Received Mission: Heavy Meta.
  • Player Action: Pwn Battlethreadz Lamebait. NOTE: You can receive the Thursday Night Lights Out E-Peen for pwning Battlethreadz Lamebait on Thursday night, 8-9 PM GMT, which is now FWZ server time. (Used to be EST until the site died and ET ****ed the configuration.) If you're very special and can't convert time, the time displays on the the site on the front News page, Flamebate/IDC, or in the messages while pwning a forum. If this ever changes, it follows that. You can only get this E-Peen for pwning it the FIRST TIME.
  • Game Event: Battlethreadz IDC cinematic.
  • Game Event: Mission Updated: Finding Nordstorm.
  • Game Event: BAAWZ sent you 250,000 Flezz.
  • Game Event: Completed Mission: Heavy Meta.

Drooling Pistols

  • Player Action: sTalk with Pavlov after completing Take a Bite Out of Crime.
  • Game Event: Received Mission: Drooling Pistols.
  • Game Event: Completed Mission: Drooling Pistols.
  • Game Event: Pavlov sent you 350,000 Flezz.

Snitch Hitter

  • Game Event: Received Mission: Snitch Hitter.
  • Game Event: Completed Mission: Snitch Hitter.
  • Game Event: Al Capwn sent you 500,000 Flezz.
  • Game Event: Completed Mission: Outsourced.

Perverted Justice

  • Player Action: sTalk with Pavlov after completing Drooling Pistols.
  • Game Event: Received Mission: Perverted Justice.
  • Game Event: Completed Mission: Perverted Justice.
  • Game Event: Pavlov sent you 600,000 Flezz.

Fire at Will

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Fire at Will.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Fire at Will.

Pwnstown Mbumacre

To start this mission, you must have got at least 3 tubmails from Nautesticles.

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Pwnstown Mbumacre.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Pwnstown Mbumacre.

Mind Hack!

  • Game Event: E-Dipus added to contacts.
  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Mind Hack!
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Mind Hack!
  • Game Event: New Ability Learned: Psychoanalyze.

Track the Hacker

  • Game Event: Mission Updated: Track the Hacker.
  • Player Action: Keep talking to RWOX CVDK OAAX until he says he will send you two Tubmails.
  • Game Event: Completed Mission: Track the Hacker.

Forward... To The Past!

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Forward... To The Past!

RWOX CVDK OAAX Will follow you into the forum and heal 25 ego per turn.
If you have the Gatecrasher ability you can also choose not to pwn the forum, and instead pretend to pwn it.
Use this link to skip the forum: http://www.forumwarz.com/geronimo/pretend

  • Game Event: Completed Mission: Forward... To The Past!
  • Game Event: Completed Mission: Kill The Noise.

CONNECT 4800

  • Game Event: Received Mission: CONNECT 4800.

RWOX CVDK OAAX will also follow you into this forum.

  • Game Event: Death of RWOX cinematic.
  • Game Event: Completed Mission: CONNECT 4800
  • Game Event: Mission Updated: What The **** Was That?

DinkDonkDoink.org SteamBoards Mission

  • Game Event: Received Mission: DinkDonkDoink.org SteamBoards Mission. This is a generalized name for the mission because the mission name is different for each clbum.
  • Game Event: Snorri Attacks! Cinematic.
  • Game Event: Death of Rory Cinematic.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: DinkDonkDoink.org SteamBoards Mission.
  • Game Event: Received the Mission: In the Thicke of It.
  • Game Event: New Ability Learned: Death Note.

In the Thicke of It

  • Boss Thread: Face PurifyingSelector88, The Rogue Hacker. Use Psychoanalyze 7 times to severely weaken the thread. Then pwn it as usual.
  • Game Event: Death of PS88 cinematic.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: In the Thicke of It
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: What the **** Was That?

Robo-Pogrom

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Robo-Pogrom.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Robo-Pogrom

Finding Nordstrom

  • Game Event: Nordstrom Confrontation cinematic.
  • Boss Thread: Internet-RIØT !!!! Face Ravit "Blacksnake" Nordstrom III. After Nordstrom has hit you a few times he runs out of energy.
  • Game Event/Player Action: Finish Nordstrom. You should have 5 choices:
    • Very Evil Option: Kill Nordstrom with the Death Note. (5 Evil Alignment Points)
    • Evil Option: Pwn Nordstrom. (2 Evil Alignment Points)
    • Neutral Option: Leave Nordstrom alone. (Neutral, no change in alignment)
    • Good Option: Let Nordstrom pwn you. (2 Good Alignment Points)
    • Very Good Option: Give Nordstrom the modem from RWOX CVDK OAAX. (5 Good Alignment Points)
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Finding Nordstrom
  • Game Event: New Ability Learned: DDoS.

Search and Destroy

  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Search and Destroy.
  • Player Action: Search for Secret Sentrillion Forum on Sentrillion.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Search and Destroy.
  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Sentrilliwhacked!

Sentrilliwhacked!

  • Boss Thread: Face Shallow Esophagus and his alternative characters. This boss thread has 500,000 pwnage and there is no way to weaken the thread. Be sure to stock up on a lot of consumables!
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Sentrilliwhacked!
  • Player Action: sTalk with three random NPCs that are in your sTalk list.
  • Game Event: Received the Mission: Final Boss of the Internet.

Final Boss of the Internet

  • Player Action: Go to the Final Boss of the Internet bookmark.
  • Game Event/Player Action: Finish Shallow. You have 3 choices here:
    • Lawful: Use the DDoS ability on Shallow.
    • Unaligned: Use the Gatecrasher ability on Shallow.
    • Chaotic: Use the Bash Keyboard with Helmet ability on Shallow.
  • Game Event: Completed the Mission: Final Boss of the Internet.

The E-Peen you receive and the character you unlock depends on your alignment and the attack you used to finish off Shallow.
There are a total of 9 E-Peen and 9 characters to unlock. These characters are plain useless, but they add to a collection of art in the Congratulations screen.

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