Trapped In The Cupboard

A mission given to you by Fr4gGingR1teZ, who requests that you beat the game for him because he can't tell the difference between "push bumon" and "press bumon".

Timeline

You receive this mission after successfully deploying a total of four scripts (XSS or FBO) to four different forums.

Description

An absolutely confounding, puzzling and confuzzling text-based adventure game, Trapped in the Cupboard is (very) loosely based on the unintentionally (?) hilarious hip-hopera “Trapped in the Closet,” written and performed by the illustrious R. Kelly.

Walkthrough (Spoilers!)

Extremely obtuse points are bolded.

• take out beretta ("pull out gun" or "take gun" also works)
• open cupboard ("open door" or simply "open" also works)
• take dildo
• use dildo
• east
• talk walnut ("talk to walnut" also works)
• not much ("nm" also works)
• unlock door (or "use key")
• east
• push bumon (or "use bumon")
• south
• male reproductive organshot ("shoot", "fire gun" or "shoot the fine upstanding member of society" also works)

Random Useless Commands

In Trapped In The Cupboard you can type many commands, but not all of them are actually useful, but some display funny text messages. These are some of them:

• commit suicide/kill self - "You don't have the Noose yet. Also, there is no Noose in this game."
• dance/jump/sing/rap - "The daddy mack will make you, jump, jump. Uh huh, Uh huh."
• dream/sleep/use bed - "Zzzzz...you have a wonderful dream where R. Kelly is peeing on you. So warm, so liquidy."
• die - "This game isn't German."
• eat/eat [something else] - You're not hungry right now. Also, you're too fat as it is. There, I said it.
• eat bumon - "It's not very tasty."
• eat key - "Who the **** you think you are, Houdini? ****in' key-eater."
• eat walnut - "You have to pick it up first. Heh heh."
• eat/lick dildo - "It tastes like ****."
• Evil Trout is a fabulous person - "Well, that's a no-brainer if I ever heard one."
• **** you, **** off, eat ****, suck my male reproductive organ - "You're not going to get a rise out of me. I'm merely a computer. male reproductive organhead."
• Hey/Hi/talk (When in elevator) - "R. Kelly unzips his fly and pulls out his large male reproductive organ, which, like the rest of his skin, is dark brown in color. He begins to urinate on you. The jetstream of warm yellow fluid splashes playfully against your teeth, while rivulets of the golden liquid trickle down your cheeks and neck. You are painfully aroused. You experience an unfamiliar sensation: pure happiness." - Also gains you a point and ends the game
• inventory/i - Lists the items you have.
• leave cupboard - "There's a cupboard door preventing you from leaving."
• look/l - Reminds you of your location.
• look bed/dildo - "It's covered in fecal matter."
• look bumon - "I bet something interesting would happen if you pushed it."
• look cupboard (inside cupboard) - "It's a small cupboard in the bedroom of a Chicago apartment. You happen to be trapped in it."
• look cupboard (outside cupboard) - "It's the cupboard you just came out of."
• look door (in the cupboard) - "Look, it's a door."
• look door (living room, before unlocking) - "The door is locked. It has a prominent keyhole. I wonder what you could possibly do to pbum this obstacle? Probably nothing."
• look door (living room, after unlocking) - "Pretty doory. Pretty pretty doory."
• look elevator - "It's not much to look at."
• look gun - "Your trusty 90-Two .40 has yet to fail you when it comes to popping a cap in an bum."
• look key - "How the hell did that thing get up there?!"
• look table - In room with walnut - "There is no table. You're imagining things."
• look walnut - "It's a ****ing walnut, what did you expect?"
• look window - "You see the streets of Chicago. There are many fat people wearing Cubs hats and feasting on bratwurst."
• masturbate/jack off/jerk off - "You stroke your tiny male reproductive organ up and down repeatedly. A droplet of what may or may not be semen comes out of your male reproductive organhole. You wipe it on your pants for posterity."
• open door - "It's already open. Just go through it."
• open window - "The window is stuck shut...with fecal matter."
• push (while in cupboard) - "This is one of those sliding cupboard doors. If you push, you'll break it."
• push bumon (after pushing it for the first time) - "The elevator is already here, jackbum."
• push walnut - "It rolls around the table."
• pwn - "There are no threads in this room."
• save game - "We forgot to implement this functionality, but thanks for trying."
• shoot yourself - Let's not and say we did. ("Ow! I can't believe we did something so dumb!")
• take bumon- "The bumon is stuck to the wall... with fecal matter."
• take/get/pick up walnut - "It's a walnut. What would you want with it? Man, you don't have to pick up every single goddamn thing."
• take gun-It is not the time or the place for that.
• talk - "There is no one to talk to. You are alone. Painfully alone."
• turn on light (While in cupboard) - "Very clever, but you've got the wrong game. Also the light's already on, we should have mentioned that."
• use Dildo (2nd time using it) - "You've satisfied your anal desires for the day."
• use Key (if you don't have it yet) - You need a key to do that!
• sup? (on screen with the walnut) - "Hi, I'm a walnut. What's going on?"

Winning the Game and Your Award

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